First, I needed to edit and make more blog-like, what I had started as an online journal. I had conflated the two things thinking that, as I was journaling about the experience anyway, I might as well do it in a blog that I could share. But a blog is a Web log, not a journal. There are personal thoughts that I really don't want to share, and, if you could read some of those raw thoughts, you'd thank me for cleaning them up and throwing some clothes on them before letting them out of the house.
Second, I have been going about this blog and the rest of my life since beginning this sabbatical purposelessly and achieving surprisingly little.
Those who have been reading this whole blog (hi mom!) may find this ironic, I know; I wrote a post earlier worrying about exactly this happening to us, and how to make sure it doesn't happen. But those of you who know Diana and me were already gasping in mock surprise before even starting this paragraph. Scattered and purposeless? The Scherrs? Perish the thought!
But as some may be reading this blog in consideration of doing what we're doing, I think I owe a peek into the personal journal on how we went rudderless for a time and how we may right ourselves again.
I have long considered there to be at least two types of travel. One is vacation—no explanation necessary. The other I just call "travel" for lack of a better word. Travel is not meant to be escape, downtime, relaxation, or any of the things we consider vacation. It is an experience to broaden our perception and knowledge. But something I have learned already in this experience is that mobile travel (not establishing roots in any place--the only kind of travel I have ever done) is like a classroom education; you sit there and absorb knowledge for later application. But settled travel (an extended stay in one place) is more internship; you have experience and knowledge, and now you must apply them. You don't get to just take it in, and you certainly don't watch it go by from a beach chair.
Our problem so far has been that we have not made practical our lofty goals of a stronger, more united family; rich cultural experience; exploring the natural environment; being more engaged in our kids' education; and closer community ties. When we first got here Di sent an e-mail to a friend describing the fun we were having exploring Cuenca with the kids but the nervous thought we still occasionally have of “what are we doing here?” Her reply was, "What do you mean? You're doing it!"
We were certainly doing, and that exploring is certainly part of achieving the purpose we're here for. But without also tangible objectives and strategies to achieve them we have dropped our boat in the water with a destination, but have no way to steer there. Yes, it sounds corporate and businessy, and seemingly what we intentionally left behind. But it begs the question, were our hectic lives back home more the result of too many demands and pressures, or just the same lack of steering we've had here? (See, I'm learning something already!)
More personally, to help you understand the consequences of this directionlessness beyond a lack of achievement, I'll tell you what brought us here today. Diana has been discouraged feeling that she has failed here even more than at home at "being a better wife and mom"—a personal goal of hers for our sabbatical. As these things often must, it reached the point of tears before we really started addressing the vibe pervading our family.
This goal is a great example of how a lofty goal is nothing without some meat on its bones. How, exactly, does one become a better wife and mother? First, of course, one must either be or become female. Umm, check. Got that one. Next? Umm...? Uhhh...?
Right. But does anyone who knows Diana think she is failing at being a good wife and mother? And is she not achieving things here as a wife and mother? She has braved chaotic markets of strange and unusual foodstuffs, created new meals with them without instruction, connected with other families to provide friends for the kids, hunted down and killed elusive creature comforts for our gringo family. But are the thanks and praises from her family not enough measure of her success? We will let the knowing harrumphs from the wives and mothers in the audience answer that question.
And for me, getting this blog "out" is just one of my measurable failures (really, what the hell else do I have to do?). So this morning we established that we are not bad people, just bad planners—something much more correctable. So today we have scheduled our first family planning and therapy session. If you hear more on the subject, things will have gone well. If you don't, enjoy the terse descriptions of the beautiful scenery for the next year and a half.
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